shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
