Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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