Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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