we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
