the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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