I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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