then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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