I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
