i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I have feelings that need drinking.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
