it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
