I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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