He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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