You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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