dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
