I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just pee around me
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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