Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
