4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
