I wanna passion pit in your ass
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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