She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
