so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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