Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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