How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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