you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
That accounts for only three of the penises
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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