Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
