Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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