when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
