i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
