Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
