we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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