Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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