I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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