We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
