Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Sorry about my life...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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