Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
