No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
