Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
my mouth tastes like poor choices
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
