I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
