I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
