would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
