I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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