she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
