Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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