When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
this boner is exhausting
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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