I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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