hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Farmville is her only friend.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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