I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
