I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
