just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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