1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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