If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize