theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize