i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
