nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize