why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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