dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
