he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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