im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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