his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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