You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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