turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
