Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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