Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I think I just sharted jello shots
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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