Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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