dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
