i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
