I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
