My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
